Are you my Mr. E?

for the first time, MISter TAKEN hadn’t SMS’d me at all today, and surprisingly i actually missed him. I think i’m almost at that point when i’m about to fall in love. I knew this was going to happen.. I just couldn’t believe that it would. Dammit, the guy’s married, what the heck is wrong with me!? Maybe this is just an infatuation… maybe the feeling will fade away eventually.. maybe i’m just enjoying the attention and playing along.. but i’m scared.. what if i fall in love.. obviously heartbreak is the only end down that path.. What am i doing to myself.. i really need to get a life..

Yet again, I fall for another married man. I know what i’m doing is dangerous, but i guess what makes me complacent is the fact he lives far away and we only communicate online. I know he has a family, and part of me feels guilty for taking some of his affection from his wife. But part of me is being selfish, and making an excuse of my not being affectionate in return. I’ll just wait for him to loose interest in me, and then i move on. I hope i don’t fall in love before that though.

Thinking about it the other day made me realize that it maybe I who’s having problems committing. I always seem to be falling for the guys I can’t have, for whatever reason. Maybe I just don’t want the blame to be on me. What’s wrong with me? What have I become? I miss the days when i knew what love meant and i had the heart to give away, unconditionally. Now, everything is just a passing fling. My heart is rotting, and that can’t be a good thing.