Are you my Mr. E?

Yes, him too. Actually, i should re-title this to “YAMM: Yet Another Married Man”

Let me tell you a bit about mr. alter ego. He’s not too good looking, at least not as good looking as the most gorgeous man i know. BUT he’s british. And God knows i love the brits. I love the accent and i love their sense of humor. I find it much more intellectual than any other kinds of humor. More tainted with a shade of green but nevertheless intellectual.

Mr. Alter Ego has a great sense of humor, and he’s not bad looking either. He talks funny (because of his accent). We’ve been friends for quite some time now though I never get to talk with him except for over IM.

To be honest, I’ve forced myself to forget about him because one: yes, he’s married. and two: he kind of insulted me the last time we spoke.  (hence the rage on that last post about him :p)

He came down to our team’s area yesterday and for some reason, i had that high school chill run up my spine when i saw him. And there are actually times of the day when i check his status on IM, and when he’s marked as away, i wonder which part of the building he’s in. I guess that was quite the pleasant surprise to see him at our area that day. DAMMIT! Why do i feel this way about a married man? i have no idea. What’s with me and this taken people thing :S

Because i was still offended by what he said to me the last time we spoke.. okay let me put you in context.

tululu tululu tululu tululu

I’m new with the company and i need guidance. One time i had asked him out for a drink (by drink i had meant coffee)  This was over IM by the way. So he asks when, then before i could reply, he tells me he should ask what his wife would think of it first. I have to say, I was just plain, insulted. Did he actually think i was trying to hit on him?? (well actually i was but of course not seriously :p)

Ever since then, I didn’t want him to think too highly of himself giving him any attention at all. Yeah, I was out to prove that he was insignificant to me.  Once in a while he would ping me and talk nonesense, which of course i enjoy. Like i mentioned, i enjoyed talking with him. He’s quite an interesting guy.

back to the other day, okay he visited our area and was chit chatting to some of my colleagues. Like i mentioned, I tried not to give him any more attention than was necessary. I said hi and went back to my work.

damn i just realized he tested me. Like i mentioned he was chatting with one of my colleagues  and then all of a sudden, he blurts “you dropped your purse” and i turned to check. Was he checking if i was eavesdropping on them? argh, now that i think about it, there’s a high chance that he was. damn, duped again.

sigh. Why oh why do i get the highschool electric shocks when i see him. I wish he had a brother. he’s the kind of personn that i woud definitely be interested in.

sigh. Do i feel lonely? no idea.

emo. that’s a word to describe me. and i feel i should just stop. it’s getting me no where. At least no where good. I don’t really know when i’m going to be ready for a relationship again. I feel like so much has happened in my life, and every new guy I meet seems like a recurring past, in one way or another, and i just can’t bring myself to trust anymore. I secretly hope that ‘the one’ is out there somewhere. and you know how they say about finding things when you aren’t looking for it, serendipity? well, call me a hopeless romantic, but yeah that’s what i am. But these days, it’s more hopeless than romantic. :p how do i feel? i feel fine. I feel perfectly alright.

but i do get lonely sometimes.

Even my online flings are taken.  *sigh* I seriously think there is somethig wrong with me. Even the guy that i’m flirting with online has a girlfriend. Plus, he’s half way around the world. But i must admit, he’s a really cute guy. Doesn’t know how to spell though :p I’m wondering how many online relationships out there actually work.

i just realize, it’s strange that i seem to have a thing for married/taken men. Is this a manifestation of my inability to commit? I feel like i’m in the same cycle i was in 2 years ago, when i kept cycling from one date to another, untill it came time for them to get their act together and asking to get together– then i would just bail.

So that’s life for me.

A very smart guy, a very married guy. Althoughhis character is definitely one worth mentioning. I met Mr. Alter Ego a few years back. It was at a competition i joined and he was from another country. Charming as he was, his accent is one that caught my attention. Although I never admitted it that time, I do believe i had a crush on this guy. But yes, even then, i already knew he was married and so nothing ever came out of it (though i seriously doubt anything would have even if he WASN’T married).

The last night we were there, i actually spent with him, just playing on the guitar and talking. It was quite interesting to talk with him.  It wasn’t anythnig funny, another friend of ours was in the room with us. Now that I think about it, there was a high possibility of ome people getting the wrong idea from it, but i didn’t really think about it that time. He was a lot of fun to talk to. After that, we merely chatted online, and once when he visited my country, we went out to have dinner. But it was all friendly talk.

Today i see him once in a while at the office. Although he can be quite the asshole as I have realized, I must admit, he’s a smart asshole, and he tried to help me move up in my career once. One thing that bothers me i guess is that he’s very much of a man as it gets, and he can be a real ass when he talks to women, i being one of them. But i forgive him, because it seems like he’s drunk all the time. But i have to say, i admire his wits. Perhaps, if i were to describe my perfect man, he’d have Mr. Alter Ego’s wits. He’s definitely someone i can enjoy having a conversation with. And based on how he writes, it’s evident that there’s a lot of creativity in this man that needs to be unleashed. also, I love his accent. That would probably be the second thing that i would pluck out of Mr. Alter Ego and plug in to Mr. E. *sigh*

I feel so lonely.. But am i hoping for someone? umm, not really…