Are you my Mr. E?

I didn’t sleep after my last post. I stayed up that night thinking about things, thinking about how much I have and thinking about the situation. At the end of the contemplation, I realized that it’s not really worth giving up everything. I should learn to trust my man, despite how bad things look. I swallowed my pride and at first swallowed the pain. But we talked it out and settled things. Although I’m not entirely agreeable to what he did, I wont contest it any longer. I have chosen to look beyond it and let it go. I think things will sort themselves out.

Yes, nobody is perfect. Mr. Machine lied to me. He had his reasons to, but unfortunately, i think too much for my own good and ended up finding out. Yes, maybe i would have been hurt had the truth been told me instead. But  what hurt me more was the fact that he lied. And when I begged, for one thing, for him to just never lie to me again, he couldn’t. I wanted to tell him “then lie to me now and tell me you can” and everyone would have been happy. All I want is consistency. There was a time he said, “I can’t lie, I’m a really bad liar”. And now this.

I have issues with the unknown, and i guess it’s in my nature to try to figure things out and piece them together. It hurts when I don’t know, so I do what I can to fix it. Sometimes, I wish I just didn’t think too much about things. Sometimes, I just wish I didn’t ask so many questions in my head.

Nobody is perfect, I guess that is true. We can only decide to accept, all or nothing. I sove Mr. Machine, but I don’t know how to handle it. How do you deal with this? There  must be something wrong with me, expecting that people are capable of doing so. But it’s actually happened to 2 guys already. They said they can’t promise not to lie, which is a very honest statement. Thing is, I have a very sensitive spot for honesty, especially in a relationship.

I wish I could just remove the pain.

why does this happen to me.

I have to say, I think i am the luckiest girl in the world. He knows how to appease me, and calm my insecurities. I think I have found mr. e…