Are you my Mr. E?

I hate that I’m so affected, but I am. Am I overanalyzing things? Or am i being in denial that he could be so heartless to me? He called, and somewhere into the conversation, he wanted me to listen to a song. He said it was dedicated to me. Then he started playing his guitar to the song, “It’s too late” by Carole King.

I’m not sure whether he meant he dedicated the song to me because he played it well, or because he meant something with the songs lyrics.

Oh well. That will teach me. People can just be so painfully blunt sometimes, without even knowing it.

I’m glad I’m leaving the country. I think it’s time I forget everything. It’s time to move on.

It’s been a while, and I’m proud to say, that ever since the last post, I’ve been living a fairly clean life. Clean from Mr. LBDT to be more exact. Have I been able to take the time out for myself? Well, for one thing, no guys have been in (and out) of my life lately. I guess the past few months I’ve been focusing on getting started on my career. And I soon will. I guess it’s the perfect thing for me right now. With this new job, I’ll get myself a chance to start all over again, in all aspects of my life.

I have a confession to make though, I’ve been thinking a lot about Mr. X. It’s been, 2 years, and I still am not over him. I don’t think I’ll ever be. I guess that’s one reason I’m wanting this change in environment also, hopefully, this will help me forget him. It’s hard when you’re constantly around someone you can’t have. And so I guess this is me running away. I don’t know whether my decision to move was right, but I’m going to go on right ahead and jump in.

funny, this song “Circle” by Marques Houston plays randomly for the second time in the span of these few minutes. The first one was when I was writing to Mr. X telling him that I was bored and just needed someone to rant to. And now, when I’m ranting about him.

I know he’s never going to feel the same way about me again. He likes someone else right now so I guess he’s moved on. I think he moved on looong ago. As for me, it’s been almost 2 years, and I still haven’t stopped thinking of him. I guess this move will force me to move on. I hope for my sake that it will. I’m tired of feeling like this. It’s so depressing and distracting. But it’s something i can’t help. I guess as the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures.

so.. i guess i wasn’t over mr. x… it took me a bit more than a year to realize that.. all the other guys i’ve mentioned in the past, i think have been my way of coping and pretending to be over mr. x… i still keep his picture in my wallet.. if you ask me now, i’d tell you that i still do love him.. it’s just sad he doesn’t feel the same about me.