Are you my Mr. E?

I don’t know what it is about this place but it seems that everyone here just wants to get it on. The worst part is, this everyone i am talking about are the married folk. I hate it. I am starting to hate being a girl. I hate being called “babe” by people who’ve only met me a few days. I hate it. It’s just derogatory. just because I haven’t exactly lived a straight up life that would command respect from those who would find out my true story, doesn’t give anyone the right to talk down to me like that. Yes, I think calling a woman “babe’ is talking down on her. Some may find it flattering but I see it as an outright insult. But because these people are foreign to my race, I don’t know what their culture is like. They might just be being friendly if that’s how they are friendly in their culture, I don’t ever want to have anything to do with that culture. I will probably go inane. Sometimes, I start hating being a girl. I hate it. I hate the fact that whenever I am successful at anything, it more often than not is attributed to my looks or my gender. I hate the fact that although my presence is acknowledged in among a male dominated group, I am always regarded as a play thing. Sure I laugh with them at their jokes of having me prance around in a miniskirt and skanky top. But I am doing all that is in my power to control my rage. I’m not sure how much longer I can bear this though. But then again, maybe i will get used to it. But judging by the way my reaction to “babe” is still not changing, I doubt that them having to think of me as free skank is going t obe a bit more hard to swallow. 

Also, I think I am harbring some feelings of hate for another prson. I have been keeping it silent for a long time because I didn’t want to make a fuss out of it and i didn’t want to let anyone know that I am affected by it. But it seems that everytime i pass him by the corridor or walk past his desk, I imaging drawing a revolver to his head and blowing his brains out. I have never been played so sickly in my life before. He made me break my principles, the only thing I had , and then he drops me after buying me a round of drinks. I seriously want to strangle the guy. BThis rage that I feel is too heavy, and I am seeing its effects recently. When a guy suddenly stops correspondence, i am reminded with my incident with this man and I think i am being drivven to the border of being insane. In my mind I am taking medication for this and it seems to be working.. I can probably put him don and ruin his career with the story i had to tell. But I can’t bring myself to destroy a human beings hope in life. I I hated his guts for doing what he did to me, but I guess it only serves me right. I should not have been so naive. He totally took advantage of this one. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.